I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize