I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
