I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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