There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
