Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
