You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
