What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
