What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Randomize
