Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
