guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
