i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
