i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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