I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
