I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
