i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
