I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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