i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
