well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize