the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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