Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
