i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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