Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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