I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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