yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
