Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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