so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
When did angry sex become our thing?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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