Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
