I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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