it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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