I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
