Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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