you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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