Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
