hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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