I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
