If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
