I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
