FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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