Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
and you said cock pushups were impossible
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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