hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
