There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
