i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
