God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
