Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
