nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
