I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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