Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
