I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
