3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
don't judge my taste in strippers
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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