he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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