Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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