so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
