I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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