I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
