if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
