new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
