Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
