I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
