something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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