You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
