"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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