I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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