No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
