eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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