I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
