They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
