ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Randomize
