before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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