Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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