Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
