What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
