So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
