Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
