just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
