I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
