Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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