I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The air was thick with penises
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
