hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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