I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize