you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize