My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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