hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
